My 2024 ERA

Hi Blog, it's been a while.

My last post was back in 2021, I had just gotten a haircut. Since then, I've had quite a few changes happen in my life. Let me walk you through some of them (or at least what I remember).

2021

My life was a blur for most of 2021. We were still WFH for the most part and Covid was still just a phenomenon to us all. I had just cut my hair, wanting a change and wanting to feel like I was reinventing myself. I started dating a guy earlier in the year and then it ended a month later. I had started a new job at the same time and hated it within the first 2 months of being there. Safe to say, I was not living my best life. My anxiety was at an all-time high - I was working with people I couldn't stand, I called in sick any chance that I got because every morning I had to wake up and report to these people, I felt ill to my stomach. I barely left the house, in fear that I would be one of the few Asians in San Francisco being attacked just for standing still. I became lazy and procrastination had become my new best friend. I was honestly living just for 2021 to end.

It wasn't entirely bad, I had some great moments too. I found my love for solo hikes/walks. It allowed me to get out of my comfort zone and enjoy the moment. It brought me peace from all the chaos that was ensuing in my head. I also got extensions, randomly. I had always wanted mermaid hair and I loved it, but my scalp is now paying for it. I went on a trip with my best friends. It was weird, but I loved getting out of the city.

There wasn't much else but that was my 2021.

2022

Life was still...sad for me. Work had slightly improved. I was finding my footing in my role, I was getting better, and felt like a promotion was on the horizon. Spoiler - it was not. But that's okay. I turned down a higher-paying role elsewhere, but that's okay! (Hear my sarcasm at this moment)

This was a slightly better year though, I traveled a bunch. I went to Long Beach and met up with a long-lost friend who I consider an older sister. I went to one of my favorite cities, Seattle, with some girlfriends and had an amazing time. I also went to Hawaii for the first time with one of my good friends and spent way too much money. Safe to say, I had a pretty eventful year. I grew to appreciate my circle but was slowly losing more of myself.

I didn't know who I was anymore. I still liked all of the things that I loved, but why wasn't I as passionate about it? I felt for the first time in a long time, I didn't know who I was or who I was going to be. I felt lonelier most of the time - seeing my friends in their happy relationships and feeling like the constant third wheel. I was constantly thinking, "When will it be my turn? When will I have someone who wants to be with me, who will love me?" This wasn't me, this wasn't who I had become. I had prided myself on being independent and enjoying my single life. Focusing on me and my timing. It didn't help that the more these thoughts came around, so were the thoughts that I wasn't good enough in all aspects of my life. I didn't feel like a good enough daughter, a good enough friend, a good enough employee, and certainly not a good enough lover. It felt like all aspects of my life were falling apart and I didn't know how to process it. Whenever things improved for me, another thing was slowly going downhill right in front of my eyes.

My year was weird, it had its ups and downs but it didn't prepare me for the loss of the love of my life. My dog, Opal. She was my child. I have other dogs, but she was my soulmate. I had never cherished a dog more and when she passed, my heart went with her.

2023

You know how it is, every new year we hope to be better. Hope that things will turn around. That was my goal. I wanted to be better this year, and try harder for myself. I didn't know what path I was going to go down and I still don't know but things were slowly starting to pick up. I spent more time with friends, I tried to be more positive. I got back into reading which I am so happy for. I started reading back in 2022 but it continued and I forgot how much I loved immersing myself in a novel. Honestly, most of the beginning of the year is a blur to me. I don't remember much of what I did, but I can say this. I was not ready for what 2023 had in store for me.

I was still thinking about how lonely I was and how much I wanted to find love again. I know, I sounded desperate. BUT I was starting to figure out, what I wanted in a partner. I would have conversations with friends about what kind of person I wanted in my life. The way I wanted to feel with my next partner. On March 8th, I matched with the love of my life. Wow, so corny. But genuinely, everything I was looking for in a partner came about in this one person who hailed from Tunisia.

We spent the next several months practically inseparable. This time though, it felt different. I was completely in love, obsessed with this man. But I still remained me. I still made time for the things I wanted, the friends I wanted to hang out with. I didn't plan every aspect of my schedule around this man like I had with my previous relationships and that is what made it so special. We both wanted to push each other to be our own person, yet still come together to enjoy this relationship. One of the things I wanted out of my next relationship was to feel loved and cherished. I wanted to feel like my partner loved me more than I did them. That might sound a little arrogant but I realized in all my past partners, I was always the one who had stronger feelings. Who cared more about their well-being than my own and this time, I wanted that for myself. And I got it. ❤️

October came around and we moved in together. Some say it was fast and I agree but nothing had ever felt so right. I'm not getting any younger, I'm getting close to 30, and honestly, what's the point in wasting time if you're not sure about someone?

The year, although was full of happiness, was also full of a lot of sadness. I had just lost Opal, my female Frenchie back in Dec 2022 and her brother, Onyx joined her right before the new year. I love being a pet parent, but it never gets easier when you lose one. We luckily, still have 2 other dogs and now a new cat who has been added to the mix, but I will forever miss the babies that taught me so much love.

2024

And now, here we are! I write to you on my laptop (that I thought was about to break lol), walking on my walking pad. It's only the 2nd or 3rd week of January but I'm so much happier than I ever could've been. I'm hopelessly in love. Work has gotten so much better after changing roles for the third time. I'm trying to take my health more seriously and have been working out daily. I finally get to go to Thailand in a couple of months and I honestly have no clue what else is in store for me this year.

I hope that the next time I write a blog post, it will be more fun than a yearly life update. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish this year, so wish me luck!

Thank you and I'll see you all soon :)